Saturday, February 21, 2015

I'm not selfish.

So I'm sure you've seen the latest crap in the news...

"A society with a greedy generation, that doesn't want to surround itself with children, that considers them above all worrisome, a weight, a risk, is a depressed society," Pope Francis said. "The choice to not have children is selfish. Life rejuvenates and acquires energy when it multiplies: It is enriched, not impoverished."

I've now heard it all. Well Pope Francis, let me tell you a little something... Infertility was not a choice of mine. I am not choosing to be childless. Truth be known, I thought I'd be done having children at this point.

Don't get me wrong, I'm blessed that we are able to travel, have date nights and fun weekends away with friends, and simply enjoy one another's company. The thing is, I'd give anything to have sleepless nights and a kitchen sink full of bottles.

For the sake of being too offensive, I'll keep my real opinion to myself... But I will say this: there is not one part of me that believes having children isn't fulfilling. However, I do believe that the act of parenting shouldn't be so taken for granted.

Your view of "selfish" is quite twisted, Pope Francis.

Thursday, February 5, 2015

not ashamed.

So, I have realized that I haven't written a post since before the holidays... and to be honest, I've tried to write many times throughout the past month.

My anxiety has reached an all time high. I've done it to myself. No ones to blame [well, other than fertile people, just kidding, not really]. In all seriousness, I've placed this massive guilt on myself for not being able to do the one thing that women are supposed to do. It's not normal, I get this. My internal struggles with the fact that I cannot carry my own child have not gotten easier. I thought that after the sting wore off I'd do what I've always done... get back up and move on to the next step. Although we have decided on what's next, some days I don't want to accept that THIS is where we're at.

I'm not ashamed that I'm struggling. I'll get there, I always do.