Thursday, August 14, 2014

torn

where is my heart today? the answer is not a simple one.

the poison of infertility is ruining every piece of good news I've miraculously managed to receive over the past few weeks. the thing is, I'm TRYING to embrace it all. I'm TRYING to celebrate these little wins. I'm TRYING to be hopeful... but dammit, that stupid voice is constantly tainting my small bouts of happiness. infertility is such a bitch!

my eggs didn't betray me like I had thought they would, and now that we have 3 perfect, viable embryos, my infertility demons are trying to taunt me with ways this could all fall apart.

it's difficult to express the range of emotions I'm experiencing right now... my "veteran" status of being here for 3 years is causing me to be realistic, but yet, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't extremely hopeful.

in the meantime, I'm happy to report that I have successfully given my first 2 Lupron shots to myself. yes, and I didn't pass out. oh and I did myself the pleasure of reading all the side effects from the prescription information... cheers to headaches, general body pain, dizziness, hot flashes, loss of appetite, nausea or vomiting, trouble sleeping, or weakness.

I just have to keep reminding myself that all of this will pay off...

5 comments:

  1. I think 3 perfect embryos is wonderful!! I know it's hard to not worry that it won't work when you have been at it this long but your day WILL come :)

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  2. First of all, your feelings are completely warranted and normal. Second, you're right, it will all be worth it. Keep your chin up and stay hopeful and positive. Don't let the 3 years of TTC (same here!) keep you from being optimistic! Great job on the Lupron, I'm on day 7 of mine!

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  3. I don't think those feelings ever completely go away. Even now, I still second guess if this is real and how much longer it will last. But, I think you're in the best position that you've been in throughout those three years. At least one of those embryos is your baby!

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  4. Your feelings could not be more normal given what you've gone through. But THREE normals!! That is so exciting and you have every reason to feel hopeful too. I'm so hopeful FOR you.

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  5. Battling infertility is not easy! You want to be hopeful but the reality of everything we go through makes that confusing and hard sometimes! I love that you have those three embryos!!! You are so close and I can't wait to see your pregnancy announcement soon!!
    ...and good job on your shots :)

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