Saturday, June 28, 2014

plan h?

I don't even know which plan I'm on anymore... everything seems to meld together. As each month passes and turns into years, nothing about each of these plans surprises me anymore.

Our umpteenth consult with Dr. G was on Wednesday, and here it is... The abnormality with the embryo is not uncommon, so we are going to proceed with an egg retrieval, fertilization, pray for lots of embryos, and then have them tested [and hopefully frozen for a future FET]. There are many 'what ifs' swirling in my brain, all things we discussed with the doctor. I swear he reads my mind, because before I could ask, he said, "What if they are all abnormal?" Well, it's a damn crapshoot folks.

So, I should be all excited about this next step, right?! Well... here's the thing... I'm not. I don't have that giddy feeling that I've had with plans A-G. The IVF excitement/naivety wore off a good year ago and the knowledge of what can happen has completely jaded me. Am I grateful we have this last opportunity? Of course I am. In all honesty though, I'm dreading the daily shots [and bruising], feeling like crap, and the mood swings, because when it's all said and done, the end result may only be the knowledge that we can't make viable embryos and a lot less money for the next plan. I'm angry that I'm already thinking of the next plan. I can't help but be realistic though.

I'll be on BC for the next few weeks (business travel is conveniently prolonging this cycle) and then if all looks well, it'll all begin. I don't have my treatment plan yet, the nurse will call me with it next week.

Maybe I'll feel better about all of this once I see my calendar...

5 comments:

  1. Wishing you the best of luck! I know all of this is so hard. Hopefully this cycle will bring you home your bundle of joy :)

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  2. I'm excited for the fresh start for you! Sometimes you just don't have any winners in a given retrieval, but let's just say that is now out of the way for you and that the SUCCESSFUL retrieval in next up in line. I think it's great you are starting fresh and leaving no stone unturned by testing all the embryos. This is going to work!!!

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  3. I'm excited for you! I don't blame you for feeling the way you do - totally understandable. But it is do encouraging the the abnormality is rather common, and you have another chance to make some beautiful embryos! You are in my heart!!!! Xoxo...

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  4. I will be hoping and praying you get some viable embryos that result in your baby! I get your lack of excitement. It gets old and it's hard to get your hopes up. I hope this cycle goes well and is easy on you so you don't feel crappy. Thinking of you and looking forward to you announcing your pregnancy soon :)

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  5. I know how hard it is to get your hopes up when they can just come tumbling down. But I am hopeful for you and pray that you start to feel that way too about this new plan. Hugs my friend.

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