Wednesday, April 2, 2014

absent

my recent absence has been due to the simple fact that I don't have much anything to say. this is ironic seeing as I often do not have a filter and not only blurt out the first thing that comes to mind, but also blog about it.

I'm stuck right now and although our next step is quickly approaching, I'm not at all optimistic. every last ounce of optimism was sucked out of me after our last FET didn't work in August. AUGUST!?! yes, August. all of last spring and summer were devoted to prepping my body for [what I thought] would end up as our first ever positive. I won't lie, I was crushed. I had changed my eating habits, starting taking vitamins and supplements, did acupuncture, tried yoga, and was in a rather positive mindset. after all of that, I received pretty much the worst 31st birthday gift I have ever gotten- a BFN.

it's difficult to describe my current standing in all this... because, quite honestly, there are days I'm so wrapped up in going through the daily motions, but then I end up at the extreme opposite of that freedom and feel suffocated by everyone else who is living the life I just can't seem to nab.

on a positive note, the countdown to Italy has officially started. thank you, Lord.




6 comments:

  1. Hey, pretty lady! Nice to run into you around these parts again. I'm so glad you're planning your Italy trip. It's important to have something to look forward that is "for sure" when you have all this uncertainty otherwise.

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  2. I'm sorry you're struggling. Enjoy your time away and try to focus on your blessings. It may not seem like much but I've always wanted to go to Italy...certain that I probably never will because of all the money we've spent on treatments and still have spend on egg donation. I say this because it may seem small but you're living some one else's dream to travel...try to relish it despite your pain. Hugs to you my friend. Have a wonderful trip! And you better post some pics so I can live vicariously!!! ;)

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  3. I understand having all of the optimism sucked right out of you and am so sorry you are feeling this way. You put so much into your last FET, how could you not be crushed with the result? I hope this trip to Italy helps get you in a better place (how exciting!), but in the meantime, we are here to support you through the rough times. Have a fabulous trip! You deserve it!!!

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  4. Vacation is definitely in order. Your soul is just screaming for it! I hope you can leave the worries behind and enjoy the trip, because there is a real possibility it may be the last one you take with just hubby and you. Don't ever sacrifice the good you all have together and try to enjoy that precious time away. Cannot wait to see pics of this vacation....I agree with Jessah too...an absolute dream for many people!

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  5. Italy sounds amazing. Something about getting away with the love of your life to rejuvenate your heart. I wish this for you so badly. Have a fantastic trip!!

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  6. Ugh, that suffocating feeling. I know it hurts, Sarah. :( Take the time away from it all that you need. I'm so excited for you and your Italian vacay. :)

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