Saturday, March 8, 2014

3.

that's the number of years we have been trying to have a family of more than two… my heart is heavy right now. I realize that no one ever anticipates the hardships put before them. Somehow, I did know that my path to motherhood wouldn't be easy, but nothing prepared me for being here, 3 years later and nothing to show for the hell I've endured.

well, I suppose it depends on how you look at it… I have no shame when it comes to doctors and nurses- between ultrasounds, IUIs, biopsies, egg retrievals, FETs… yah, no shame. my faith has been tested and is wearing very thin. we have less money for our future family (whatever that may be). I've developed anxiety that's often unbearable.

the list could go on forever, but what's the point in tallying up all of the crap that my infertility has caused me? doing that only makes me more angry and creates a deeper level of pain.

I can't help but wonder who I will be if I don't become the ONLY thing I've dreamt about being for practically my entire life.

5 comments:

  1. Oh Sarah. I feel your pain in this post and I've wondered that same thought myself. But you're a fighter and I know you'll find the strength to be happy no matter the outcome. Praying for peace for you!

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  2. I very much relate to your words. You are not alone in your feelings.
    www.mommy-dreaming.blogspot.com

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  3. Your posts break my heart. I know what this kind of despair feels like on a daily basis. I hate that infertility continues to brings us down and challenge us this way. You've been so strong, and I know you'll continue to fight through this. I'm here fighting with you, anytime you need a friend. xoxo

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    1. Thanks Suzanne, I appreciate that :)

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  4. I am so so sorry. I understand the heavy heart feeling. I am trying to enjoy life (and most days I do pretty good), but there is always that baby in the back of my head every day. Its a hurt that I wonder if it will ever go away until I have a baby, but I don't have much, if any fight left in me. It definitely has tested my faith and given me more anxiety, so you are not alone. Hang in there! I'm always here for you! Good things have got to be coming your way soon! Thinking of you and praying for you.

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