Thursday, December 5, 2013

still on the pity party train...

On my way to work this morning, I was listening to the radio as a single dad received a rather large Christmas surprise. As the segment continued, one of the radio personalities said something that struck a nerve. He said that in all his life, one thing he knows is that difficult times fall on those that can handle it, and that good things DO happen to good people.

As the 31st year of my life is quickly passing by, all I can think is, when the hell is MY time going to come? When is the good thing going to happen to ME? Because I'll be honest, I don't have much strength left in me. For a long time, I accepted that this was the hand we had been dealt and we were going to do what we needed to do...

But now, after finding out that my shitty lining is apparently "normal", our final genetic tests are clear, and neither of us have any chromosomal abnormalities, all I can say is WTF?! Why am I STILL not getting pregnant?! I guess I won't find out until January when we will start another long road of IVF and more tests will ensue. The nurse informed me yesterday that my new clinic "shuts down" for the holidays. That's flipping awesome. SUPER! I've already waited 3 years, what's another month!?

Sorry for the endless pity party I've been throwing myself… I appreciate your kind words and am thankful for you ladies who are so encouraging and thoughtful. Here's to hoping something positive can come out of this Christmas season for all of us infertiles…


7 comments:

  1. It's just so shitty! I'm so so sorry. :( It's incredibly frustrating! I don't want to be "strong" enough to handle this crap. I think we all just need a baby by now ... Don't apologize for your feelings or post. This is your space .. You pity party it up, girl, though I do wish your heart felt better. xoxo...

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  2. I say you should celebrate the normal lining, genetic tests that are clear, and zero chromosomal abnormalities. I know the hardest part sometimes is just trying to find THE REASON, but God forbid if you did have everything else coming back positive for abnormalities, you might be facing many more moving pieces with your next IVF cycle. The more abnormal tests I've received & things I've accrued that are 'wrong with me' along this journey, the more uncertain the path to take becomes. I realize not much will make you feel better until you have a baby, but I'm thankful for you to have normal tests. Sorry you are having to wait for them to close. What kind of fertility clinic closes just because it's a holiday? Booooo

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    1. You're right… I should embrace the things that are positive. Thanks :)

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  3. Oh Sarah. I'm sorry love.Your clinic closing for the holidays is crappy. It sucks you have to wait. I just recently got off the pity party train so I know sometimes it's necessary. Hugs to you.

    BTW...I added you to my blog love page. Hope you don't mind. XOXO

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    1. I think it's unavoidable… especially during the holidays. Of course I don't mind! Thanks, xoxo

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  4. I know I can't do much, but I just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you. If you EVER want to vent (even angry vents, I promise I don't judge :)) please email me. I don't want you to feel alone in this journey, because sometimes it truly does feel so alone. I don't think I could have made it to this point without so many who were supportive towards me. You are allowed to be angry and sad, I hate how clinics close for the holidays. Last year ours was closed and that prolonged our first round (hahah, first round...like that ever works) and I was so heartbroken because I couldn't even imagine the thought of waiting to begin. Waiting seems to be the biggest part of this damn journey besides the bad news, and it's the last thing you want to do when you JUST WANT A BABY. You'd think these doctors would understand that by now. Anyway, if you need anything I'm always here. And sorry for the novel comment.

    Megan

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