Tuesday, September 24, 2013

I can't do this, but I'm doing it anyway.

I have to say, I wasn't expecting to feel so, "okay" with taking this break. I'm smiling more, I actually laugh, and I feel less anxious. Man, infertility really BITES. It sucks the life right out of you. I absolutely LOATHE the fact that it's taken so much of me over the past few years. I have to let it go though, and all I can do is move forward (honestly, what other choice is there?). I'm not saying that I don't have my bad days, I'm not saying that the Facebook 'pregnancy' announcements don't sting, and I'm definitely not saying that constantly being reminded [on a daily basis] that I'm not pregnant isn't painful... but we're only in this life once, and it truly is a choice to either make the best of it, or let this whole darn thing swallow you up whole.

This newfound positivity may not last long, especially with the holidays right around the corner... but I will say, I'm enjoying being a wife and partner to my husband right now. I'm enjoying planning our romantic 5-year anniversary trip to ITALY! There's just so much more to life than IVF... and I'm tired of living my life around it.

So on that note...


  1. ITALY!!!! Wow, so jealous over here! I know how you feel. I am actually kind of happy I'm on a "break" post-surgery. I think to myself...wow I can actually drink wine when I want to?! I forgot what that was like!

    I am also kind of dreading the holidays in the back of my mind, but let's just put it out of our minds. I refuse to suffer this year through the holidays. I'm putting up my trees damnit, and I'm going to enjoy the cooler air and smell of cinnamon without making it one big ole pity party. Join me! :)

  2. I know, we aren't going until June so it's the one thing that will get me through the school year, I just can't wait! Hey, we all need our wine, and it's nice to drink it and not have to "monitor" everything I put in my body!

    Last Christmas was by far the worst I've ever had- I don't know WHAT we were thinking doing IVF in-between the holidays. Getting a BFN the week before Christmas obviously put a huge damper on my mood and I continued to throw myself the largest pity party through January. But you're right, that's not happening this year! I'm going to have my spiked cider and enjoy every second of it :) Hope you are continuing to feel better!!!

  3. From B.H.D.: I hope this break is full of joy and peace, and very limited stings from pregnancy announcements, Sarah! You deserve it. Praying for you all the time! I read your reply to Emily about your experience last Christmas. That is exactly why I'm waiting until after the holidays (well that and Lupron). I'll be damned if IVF ruins it for me. I hope this year's season is much, much better - filled with love and joy and lots of good things!

  4. God has good plans for you girl!!! Stay positive!